Healing wounds (Oct 1st)

  I woke up feeling miserable. I had a tasty but moody breakfast and a horrible mug of tea.

 Asking myself what was going on in my body (everything working fine boss) head  (brain running a little too fast – mindful meditation needed) or my heart  (yes,  here’s the leak) I stopped licking my  wounds, gave myself an internal hug and  crawled out of my cave.

 

 After reading a few passages from the writings of Baha’u’llah I  immediately felt a  little better, inspired to see my life from a  different and more far-reaching angle.  One of the passages was this  (from The Hidden Words):

 “Out of the wastes of nothingness, with the clay of My command I made thee to appear, and have ordained for thy training every atom in existence and the essence of  all created things.”

 

Pondering on this, I realised that the tests I am currently facing (feeling disempowered due to a lack of understanding and poor communication) are actually for my training, not my destruction – as I had previously, miserably and a little pityingly viewed them to be. 

 As God has made ‘every atom in existence’ to be for our training – then that includes people,    right? One Person is made up of thousands of atoms – all working together to vibrate as a  human being. So rather than getting pulled down and disempowered by another person  (atoms) , we can chose to see that person as a training ground or an exercise, where we have  the opportunity to strengthen our spiritual muscles – our higher nature shining out as we  move closer towards God, our final, incredible goal. The lesson? Well, I think if I want other people to understand and respect me then I need to become a better communicator. That’s the goal of this particular training exercise. I can’t expect anyone else to train for me. These are my spiritual muscles, after all.

I also said some Baha’i prayers and felt strengthened. I felt more able to move forward. One of the prayers I said included this wonderful passage,

“I beg of Thee to guard this handmaiden who hath fled for refuge to Thee, and hath sought the shelterof Him in Who Thou Thyself art manifest (Baha’u’llah), and hath put her whole trust and confidence in Thee…”

The morning spent  sorting out my study (while listening to beautiful music from the ‘Hang Playing Hedge Monkeys’) I claimed my home as my sanctuary again, rather than a place of silent protest as the fortress of ‘stuff’ pretended to protect me from the outside world. Having friends over on the weekend was my motivation but I also wanted to start caring for myself. Us carers tend to get left out on the care side, as others often misread our vigilant (and  often selfless) care for our loved ones as a message that we are invincible and everlastingly competent, without the need for kind words, encouragement or recognition. I would like to point out that this is not the case. We need love, kind words and support on an emotional and spiritual level. If no one cares for us and we fall apart, who will care for the ones we care for?  

So, reminded that I have Baha’u’llah as my guide and protector, a much more powerful and eternal bodyguard and teacher than my stack of papers (now neatly filed), and every atom in the universe is there to train my spiritual muscles, my wounds are slowly starting to heal.